In previous posts, we mention that most successful entrepreneurs know that they have to market, but many don’t know where to start or how to cut through the clutter on their “to-do” lists. With many messages in your head in a day from “I need to pay the mortgage” to “finish the Powerpoint,” we have too much clutter. Jim Collins talks about the importance of a stop-doing list in “Good to Great.” He stated that one of the commonalities of the companies who were able to propel themselves from being just good to being great is that they all looked at what they were currently doing that they needed to stop doing. People subconsciously will remember what not to do because the list doesn’t compare to the clutter of the overwhelming amount of “to-do’s” they are trying to remember. In dating, the same applies. Today I will discuss my #1 on my “To-Don’t” List of six things NOT to do in dating.
“TO-DON’T” #1: Interrupt
Men, having permission before the you approach a woman for the first time will help prevent you from un-selling yourself right off the bat. You will know to not interrupt by the use/observation of non-verbal communication.
I. Don’t interrupt: If you see her at restaurant having dinner or drinks with another man. This is just rude. NO EXCEPTIONS.
II. Don’t interrupt: If she is avoiding any kind of eye contact with you. There’s a difference from her not seeing you and her completely avoiding making eye-contact with you. This means you are not invited to come introduce yourself to her. This may be that she has tunnel vision on her BlackBerry. She doesn’t want to be bothered and is not interested in mingling at that time. She may be trying to put out a fire at work by sending a very important email to her boss or customer (this happening at an inconvenient time is inevitable) or she may just be anxiously catching up on her unread Viigo posts. Approaching during this time will make her feel annoyed and obligated to talk to you. Obligation this early on is not a good sign.
On the contrary: She’s sitting at the bar in a restaurant unaccompanied by a gentleman, and she’s casually looking around scanning the crowds. If you are interested in her, and you aren’t in the vicinity of her “scan-zone,” nonchalantly relocate so that you are. Not too close. I recommend sitting slightly off center, across the bar giving her easy access to make eye contact. Don’t stare! Once she does, if she continues to make eye-contact with you knowing you are still there, you are getting warmer. Now once the eye contact continues and she acknowledges you with a smile and nod, after about a minute or so, walk over to her and make your introduction. “Hi, I’m _____ would you mind if I joined you for a few minutes? It’s okay to say yes.” Keep in mind: the few minutes may turn out being much longer, depending on the chemistry between you two.
Body language and non-verbal communication is listening, but with your eyes. 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Read her body language and listen.
Check back on Tuesday’s for Kya’s dating and sales tips.
Photo by Tony the Misfit